You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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