We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
