i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
