I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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