I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
