Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
