Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
