we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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