Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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