remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
