i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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