I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I am spending my child support on dildos
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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