I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
