Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
