dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
