we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
