Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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