So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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