yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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