Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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