Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
