I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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