Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
