He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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