if you like me you must not know who I am
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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