So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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