I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
