a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
