Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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