I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize