I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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