R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
