I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
