Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
