Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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