she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
