he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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