i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
