I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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