he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
