I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize