he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
