I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
