About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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