"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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