Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize