Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
