How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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