the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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