I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
