just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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