Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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