I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it's great music for shaving your balls
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
