kristin has been a bad kristin
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
