I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize