she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize