What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
