I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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