i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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