She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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