I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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