Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Let's get the cat blown out
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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