I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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