He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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