Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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