The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
