Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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