Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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