I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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