Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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