There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
