Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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