Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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