I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
