it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize