dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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