Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
