I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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