I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
