You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
