Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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