you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize