We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
