Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
