Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
