By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize