I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
