he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
