When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
