I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
