this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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