dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
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