How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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