Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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