Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
