Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Found the puke drawer
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
